I don’t always play poker drunk, but when I do it’s in front TV-cameras and in such a condition that I still have no recollections of it. Thanks Beasts Of Poker for asking me to do this article. I’m pretty sure you found the right man for the job.
Everyone knows that there’s no better way to spend a Tuesday night than drinking and playing poker. There are some pitfalls however,which you should be aware of, if you don’t want to fuck up this perfect recipe. Without further ado, let’s get into it.
Play with assholes
If a player is not getting drunk with the rest of you, you may consider him/her being an asshole. That’s a very common misconception. Let them be the pussies that they are. The real AH’s are the ones who are at the table just to take an advantage of you. They are not having a good time. They are just wasting everyone’s time $-signs in their eyes. Drunken poker is all about fun. It’s usually played between people who are willing to lose some money (or at the least some EV) and just want to enjoy themselves. Everyone should be welcome, even drinking is not necessary (although very recommended), but if you’re just blasting your latest Ed Sheeran song with shades on and not saying anything to anyone because you’re too worried to give up some EV because of live tells… Well then you should just get out off the table. To sum it up -laugh at my jokes and we’ll be cool.
Be an asshole
We all are different when we hit the bottle. It’s not for everyone. If you have a habit to punch black eyes with or without a reason or just start bitching like a female dog – please don’t sit at my table. There is no shame of being lightweight when it comes to destroying pints one after another. Just try to know your limits and get up when it’s time. I know it’s nearly impossible but the main point in nearly everything is trying: you don’t always need to succeed. As a general rule; if you’re not able to speak you probably shouldn’t be in the table.
Drinking and playing poker is fun. Drinking too much and playing poker is not fun. Even though if you act totally okay otherwise (I may have my regrets) just your slowness will make you an asshole in the table. So, do as I say and not as I do: Don’t drink yourself under the table – you will become an asshole.
OK, so the essential don’ts are pretty simple. It’s all about the asshole.
Have a good time
This is the time you can try all those lines which you’re not entirely sure off. Go for the 3x check-raise bluff that you’ve always dreamed about. Or not. Do what feels right. Like kiss a poker-legend. Highly recommended. P.S. Ziggys wife is a lucky lady.
Get to know your opponents on a personal level
As a Finn I don’t usually go for deep life stories but after a few beers I’m ready. Lucky for you, I don’t really play live if I’m not at least a few beers deep. In our local cash game, there’s always a point when older, legendary live grinder picks a younger player as a target and asks:” So, when is the last time you got laid?”. You can copy that or create your own lines to make younger (or elder) generation blush. From experience I can tell, that it’s a great ice breaker to a bit shy Finn who’s just starting to play poker.
Because obviously the more you drink the more action you need. Good old red or black flop bet might work, even if that’s not really for me. I always get too worried that I’m missing some of my flops and as everyone knows, if you’re too busy drinking or kissing or whatever and fail to scream” That’s one for me!” your bet on that particular board will be voided. There really is only a few worse things in life than the grin of a player who just saved X amount of money because you were too busy high fiving Jungleman. If flop betting is not enough, I have witnessed bets being made from: any racquet sport, driving, drinking, diving, skiing, arm wrestling, head standing and so on. Pretty much anything you can come up with can be turned into a bet. Bet sizes vary greatly, some betting only couple of beers while others like to go for couple of apartments.
Waking up the next day was “interesting” and full of questions. How much money I had had in the table? Probably quite a bit since it was €100 200 400 PLO. Or did I lose it all? I wasn’t sure. The one thing that I was sure about was that I had started this trip with my fiancée and now seemed to be travelling solo. Did I kick someone in the balls? Maybe. Was I still engaged? Hopefully. Did I have a hangover? Not yet, but if I didn’t react quickly, I was about to. Was the stream popular? Most likely since I seemed to have 62 missed calls, 142 WhatsApp messages and quite a few new Facebook friend requests.
I should have followed my own rules. Remember kids, do as I say and not as I do.